You need to start taking actions to have your dreams come true and live a life that works. But, deciding which action to take can be challenging.
When you’re in a positive state of mind and relaxed, you can see your situation clearly and what needs to be done. You’re creative, resourceful and naturally effective. There’s an ease to problem-solving and action-taking.
In the real-world things happen around you and to you impacting your business, the people you care about and love. The fact that things happen is out of your control. They just are.
Yet, you resist and fight what happens (I do too… we all do.)
Instead of the relaxed, positive state of mind needed, you bring feelings of fear and upset.
For the entrepreneur, approaching business and deciding actions with fear and upset is the kiss of death.
In this article…
We’ll look at 5 truths about how resistance keeps you and your business efforts in a frustrating spiral going nowhere. You’ll understand how you can let go of resistance and open pathways that lead you to taking actions and ultimately have a life that works and dreams that come true.
I’ve adapted Bill Ferguson’s ideas shared in his program, Creating Miracles. I’ve been testing his ideas for the last ten years and found them to be solid truths for moving through challenges. I recommend you take a look at his other programs.
#1— What happens to us isn’t what causes upsets. That’s right…
It’s the resistance you bring to the situation that causes the upset. You resist and fight what happens.
The upset feelings stirring the resistance and fight may be understandable and certainly human.
Think about a recent upset in your life. Now, imagine bringing a sense of peace to the same situation. There’s no upset…right?
For example, the electronic system one of my corporate business clients uses continues to deny payment for services rendered. It’s a system glitch the last 3 people I have spoken to thought they knew how to fix. Apparently not.
I can easily go to a place of upset… I’ve been there already. Today, I’m going to call them from a peaceful place within. I can do that. And really, whether I’m upset or peaceful, the problem remains. Not to appear timid, I will, from a peaceful place, respectfully ask to speak to a supervisor. (Assertiveness 101—climbing up the ladder of assertive responses. Wish me luck.)
Ahh…this feels better already.
The truth is that in any life circumstance nothing has the power to make you upset. Only you can do that.
#2— Resisting always makes your situation worse.
Imagine 4 yellow balloons that have floated to the top of the ceiling. Now, stop thinking about them. Oops, you’re thinking about them, aren’t you? Don’t do that. Stop.
Notice what happens when you try to stop thinking about the 4 yellow balloons. You can’t. In fact, the more you resist the image of 4 yellow balloons, the more powerful the image becomes.
This is profound. Resisting doesn’t make the situation go away. Resisting compounds the issue. Think about how much time and energy is poured into resisting.
By resisting, you create the very situation you want to avoid.
Let’s say you are married and fear that your spouse is going to leave you. From fear, you are smothering your spouse with text messages, questions about how they feel about you and attempts to be near them. The more you resist your spouse’s leaving, the more you are pushing them away.
Think about the last time you had your blood drawn. If you’re like me and don’t like needles, your natural reaction is to resist and tense up. The needle prick is so much easier to accept when I relax my arm and let go of any resistance. There you go… didn’t hurt at all.
Look at some other person or aspect in your life that you are resisting. Undoubtedly the very act of resisting makes what you are resisting more powerful.
#3— The truth will set you free…yet we continue to resist the truth.
All the fighting and resisting you and I are doing is really fighting and resisting the truth.
Yes, the feelings about the situation exist. It feels unfair, annoying, hurtful or scary. But all the feelings don’t change the truth of the situation. We are who we are. The people in our life are exactly the way they are. This is the truth, no matter how much we fight it.
My husband does not like socializing for socializing sake. He just doesn’t. If there’s a purpose that matters to him for getting together…like discussing political changes with his friend visiting the states from France, he’s there. He gets to be with someone he admires, is intellectually challenged and gets to speak French, Italian and English. Great fun as far as he is concerned. He jumps at the chance to get together with another friend who is super sharp with electronics and computers…which my husband values because it helps him with some of his projects. All I saw was someone who had friends and was happy getting together.
In the early years of our togetherness, he and I would be upset with the other. I wanted him to go with me to events for the sake of affiliating. He refused. If he did go, I was miserable knowing he was unhappy. He didn’t get why I would spend my precious time just being with other people because it didn’t matter to me if there was some minor agenda or some bigger purpose to accomplish. I liked adapting to whatever was happening and supporting the fun and the company too. I was okay going with him with his friends, why wouldn’t he join me?
Here’s the deal: When I stopped resisting the truth that he hated going to parties or business socials for the sake of being together, life got easier for me… and him. Years later, after I heard him say repeatedly, Mary, that’s just who I am, I was able to believe that he wasn’t being intentionally mean or selfish. The weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. I stopped resisting. I stopped being hurt or upset with him. I was able to drop feeling unsupported. I accepted him for who he was.
Remember: Fighting the truth of the situation doesn’t change the situation. It makes the situation more powerful.
Got it? It’s critical you get this.
#4— Surrender to the truth.
You’ve got it when you know that fighting the truth of the situation narrows your vision. Sometimes it’s called tunnel vision. The options for problem solving are outside the tunnel. When you can’t allow yourself to see the truth, you can’t see what you need to do.
So, referring to the example of my husband in #3 above… I surrendered to the truth that he did not connect with socializing for socializing sake. It wasn’t that he wanted to be disrespectful of my preferences. That was a truth I appreciated. I got it… he needed a purpose for getting together socially that he valued. That’s who he is and a truth that made sense to me.
And yay, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. My vision expanded.
I applied the awareness that he was much more willing to support me or even accompany me if I emphasized a reason, especially if it served a business goal or educational value. So good for both of us. He was happy with a solid reason/purpose for taking time and/or travel and I still got my socializing needs met.
If I continued to hold onto my upset that he didn’t see the value in socializing like I do, who knows how miserable we would make each other.
Consider this: Any area of your life that isn’t working is an area where you are resisting. Consider listing all those areas. Where do you have fear and upset?
#5— Face the hurt behind the truth.
So, why do we resist? Why is it so hard to face the truth? What’s in the way of facing the truth and finding peace?
The answer can be found by looking at old hurts. We take our history with us, wherever we go. What does Socrates say… the unexamined life isn’t worth living. I say that it’s pretty darn hard to deny some of the pain and hurt we’ve experienced, try as we do… and old wounds need healing.
And it really doesn’t matter if your adult mind says, that shouldn’t bother you. My guess is often there’s a ping of hurt that lingers. It’s commonplace to be triggered and find those hurtful feelings of worthlessness, not being good enough, not worth loving or some other form of emotional pain.
From my perspective, the neat thing is that you’re probably in a relatively healthy place now to face these hurts and heal. Wouldn’t it be great to be free from old hurts? Think of the extra energy that can bring.
The thing is, to be free from the automatic resisting you do and create a life that works and dreams that come true, healing the hurts is needed.
Another topic in the weeks to come.
The takeaway is…
Learning to let go of resistance will help the entrepreneur open pathways for exploring options. With a relaxed, positive mindset, the situation facing the entrepreneur is seen clearly and what needs to be done becomes apparent.
Letting go of resistance is an important step toward taking action needed to create a life that works and dreams that come true.
I’m interested: What’s your favorite way to let go of resistance?
Need help letting go of resistance? Sign up for a I’ve Got This! Strategy Session today.