Creating a life that works and living the life of our dreams overflows with promise when we have some strategies for healing the hurts… you know, the hurts that take some form of feeling “not okay.”
These hurts and the doubting, negative messages they carry can become unproductive energy drainers that derail our personal and business progress and are just plain unpleasant to experience and be around… not only for you, but for others including your loved ones, customers, co-workers or employees.
Wouldn’t it be great, when we realize we’re holding onto a hurtful memory or negative belief to be able to open our hands while saying… That’s over, I’m letting go and moving on.
Easier said than done?… maybe, but let’s give it a whirl.
In this article…
I’ll describe 3 approaches to letting go of hurts, healing and moving on.
This article is premised on the following beliefs…
- We all agree, hurts are inevitable during life. Of course, we take ourselves (and our history) wherever we go, including work.
- We differ. You and I can experience the same event or the same comment and respond or feel hurt quite differently or not feel any hurt. It isn’t wrong or right, good or bad… it just is.
- We’re chemical beings and our chemistry impacts our ability to respond. For example, some of us have more serotonin than others or produce more insulin, etc. Science and medical attention to determine the source of pain and treatment options for both physical and mental distress, including emotional suffering from hurtful events is always recommended.
- Untreated emotional pain just doesn’t go away… and like other physical pain, the sooner you address it, the better the prognosis.
Let’s see if your favorite hurt-healing-let-it-go-and-move-on strategy is among these …
#1— We have all been a recipient of judgment’s… the right and wrong, good and bad determinations. It’s a common human phenomenon. Others judge us and we judge ourselves.
Now, consider this: judgments are like coins with two opposing sides… one side of the coin is a judgment which reads, for example, “I’m worthless” and the flip side of that same coin reads, “I’m worthy”.
Judgments are thoughts, they aren’t things. They are opinions. And, you can’t have one without the other. Think about it. You can’t have worthless unless you have worthy. You can’t have deserving without undeserving.
This is a great strategy because, you guessed it, we have aspects of both sides of the same coin.
If you’ve read Part 1 or Part 2 of this series, you already know what’s coming. Stop resisting! (Are you still thinking about those 4 yellow balloons that floated to the ceiling?) Stop thinking about them. And, stop resisting the worthless side of the coin.
By resisting, you are making it more powerful. Yes, it’s uncomfortable, but it loses the power when you practice acceptance. I’m not asking you to stay there. Flip the coin over and balance your thinking. Go ahead, focus on the positive aspects. Feed the positive trait so there’s more.
Here are some more examples of opposing sides of the same coin: Positive/Negative Thoughts.
#2— Get to know your board of directors. As chairperson of the board, make sure time is distributed to members who can help you heal hurts and move on.
There you are at the head of the oblong granite table leading the board members of your company—Me, Myself and I, a great company by the way! 😉
You recognize the board members: Certified-Critical-Claudette, Rita-Right-On-It for-20-Minutes, Chip-On-Her-Shoulder-Shelley (her last day is January 15, 2017, so she’s on her way out, thank goodness!), Creative-Ideas-Ida, Everything-Is-Just-Fine-Emily, Queen-of-Productivity-Priscilla, Gotta-Research-More Greta, Accountability-Needed-Anna, Fun-City-Franny, Fearless-Forever- Frankie, Knows-What-to-Do-Dottie and Just-Needs-Another-Cup-of-Coffee-Justina.
As you can imagine, when Certified-Critical-Claudette dominates the discussion, it’s depressing. Everything-Is-Just-Fine-Emily can bore everyone to tears with superficial niceness. When Rita-Right-On-It for 20 Minutes and Accountability-Needed-Anna get involved, movement happens. Fearless-Forever-Frankie jumps in and Justina’s coffee happens and we’re off.
Who are your board members? Who needs to speak up to help move those hurts along? Who needs to be given a vacation or asked to let others have the floor. Take charge of your board of directors and support teamwork for healing hurts.
#3— Get to the “So what?” and finally, let go.
You know you’ve made it to the promised land of healing hurts when you can say, “okay… that happened” or “okay, I messed up”, or “okay, so I’m worthless when it comes to accounting” … SO WHAT?
I heard the little guy (maybe he was 2 ft. tall) crying before I saw him in the grocery store aisle last week. Walking beside his mother he cried pitifully as she calmly spoke, you don’t need to be carried all the time.
I admit there was a part of me pleading with mom to pick the kid up, but no need… soon the crying faded.
As adults we’ve learned to stuff it, ignore it, fight it, reframe it, etc. I’m guessing you’re a lot like me, when I allow myself to feel the hurt (like a child), facing the issue and problem-solving is so much easier.
I’ve made some changes so I’m more likely to be successful. I’m not resisting my “not-okay” with collecting money.
I’m getting to the place where I can confidently say, “So what?” I’ve got it now!”
Accountability-Needed-Anna and Rita-Right-On-It-For 20 are checking in weekly.;)
It’s when we resist the hurt and the feelings of “not okay” that go with it that it stays with us. We keep it inside and take it with us wherever we go. It takes energy to keep them shoved down.
So what? I’m working the plan to improve and the sun still rises and the earth goes round. It’s a new day.
Yep, hand is open and I’m ready to move on, ready to take hold of a life that works for me.
The takeaway is…
To have a life that works and dreams that come true, hurts need to be healed. Hurts are in one form or another a feeling of “not okay.”
The thing about healing the feelings of “not okayness” is all about owning and embracing the less finished or polished aspects of ourselves. It’s recognizing that the basic truth is that we are okay. But it’s also true that feeling “not okay” happens, is often holding some not-so-okay aspects of us that need to be faced and hurts.
It’s important that we embrace and own our feelings of “not okay” so that we’re truly free to let go and move forward with hands open… ready to hold the life that works and dreams that come true.
So, I’d love to know… What’s your favorite hurt-healing-let-it-go-and-move-on strategy?